Struggles of Raising a Highly Intelligent Child

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From his very first day on this Earth, my son has kept us on our toes. From day one, he was an alert, active, and sensitive newborn.  While, I was a new parent and didn’t have a good frame of reference, I just knew that there was something unique about him. My mom intuition just told me that he was special. I  had this feeling that he would need some extra help.

See, that is the biggest misconception about raising a highly intelligent (or gifted) kid. Everyone (my pre-kid self included) assumes that it would be a wonderful thing to have a highly intelligent child. And it absolutely is! However, it is not easy and it is not always fun.  Parenting a gifted child is tough and requires a lot of patience. You have to really work at your parenting in order to provide the support, structure, and love that your highly-intelligent child needs to thrive.

Here are a few struggles that I have encountered in my first 5 years of parenting a highly intelligent child.

Activity Level 

Increased physical activity is a very common characteristic of gifted children.  My son has energy for days.  He requires very little sleep and demands a TON of physical activity. And if doesn’t get enough physical activity, you know it. He starts to bounce off the wall and he begins having behavioral issues.  In fact, one of the first things I  have him do when he starts to act up is do some jumping jacks or pushups.   It requires a lot of our own energy to ensure that his physical requirements are met.

Sensitivity

My sweet little boy has also shown that he has a sensitive soul. For him, this manifests as irrational fears.  For example, he has this gut-wrenching fear of the Color Crew on the BabyFirst Channel. They are literally just crayons drawing pictures on the screen but you would think he was watching It.  Right now, his main fear is a purple ice cream truck.  He will not go outside right now because he is afraid of a purple ice cream truck (don’t know where this one came from).   Our house closes up like Fort Knox around 4:00pm every night and stays shuddered until morning time.

These are not just fears that cause him slight aversion. These are fears that are debilitating and will make him shake with fear.   It’s heartbreaking but unfortunately this type of sensitively is very common in highly intelligent children. It’s hard as a parent because family and friends probably feel that I am coddling him, they don’t understand the extent of his sensitivity.

Perfectionism

My son needs to be perfect at everything.   If he makes a mistake, he gets so upset and hard on himself.  While, I would categorize myself as a bit of a perfectionist as well, my son exhibits this at an unhealthy level.   He will clam up and not partake in activities that he is afraid he will not do well in.

This characteristic has shown up in big way now that he is in school.  If he has to be corrected by the teacher, he just loses it.  He gets so upset and starts saying that he is a “bad kid” and asking if his teacher still likes him. It is so difficult to watch and requires a lot of reassurance from everyone around him.   It’s very common for gifted kids to be extremely hard on themselves and requires a lot of observation and support from parents to ensure that it doesn’t start to erode his self esteem.

Developmental Delays

My son had a pretty significant speech delay and was a late potty-trainer. He is also a tad behind in terms of gross motor skills. The doctors explained that your brain can only (or just wants to focus) on one thing at a time.  The official term for this is Asynchronous Development. While he wasn’t talking at the age of two, he was counting up to 100+ and teaching himself to read. The mind is a fascinating thing.   Even today, he has no problem speaking but he can’t do some seemingly simple things that other kids his age can easily do.

School Work is Hell

Just because your kid is gifted, doesn’t mean that they are going to do their homework.  It is like pulling teeth to get my kid to do any organized learning activity that is not on his terms.  Luckily, he’s only in kindergarten so the bar here is really low, but it is still annoying.  He gets weekly Speech homework and it is like I am asking him to run through the Sahara uphill carrying his little sister on his back.   He literally has to say a few words and color a picture.  That is all.     But on the other hand, if it is something that he is intersected in he will sit there for hours.  He is currently interested in bankrupt companies so he will sit there and watch videos and read about corporate bankruptcies all day long. But color a picture of a squirrel? Nope. No can do, Mom.

Interesting Interests

Another interesting thing I  have learned about raising a highly intelligent child is that the child often has really peculiar interests. And not only is he into weird things, he is realllyyy into them.   We’re talking border-line unhealthy obsession.   When I  found out I    was having a boy I  envisioned a playroom filled with dinosaurs and matchbox cars. Instead, I have a playroom filled with homemade signs from abandoned stores and fire alarms.  Here are the phases we have been through:  trains, numbers & letters (our house looked like a serial killers lair), road signs, electrical outlets, diesel trains, fire alarms, exit signs, trains again, abandoned stores, ice cream trucks, and now we are back to numbers.   It’s really interesting to learn about fire alarms and fire alarm control panels but it makes it really hard to plan birthday parties.

Relatability to Same Aged Kids

Probably one the hardest things about having a highly intelligent kid is seeing your kid struggle in making friends and relating to other kids. Most kids in the neighborhood aren’t into exit signs and bankrupt companies. It can be really hard for my son to make friends and he doesn’t understand why.  Being in kindergarten helps and he is definitely gaining social skills but he still has challenges sometimes. Absolutely. Heart. Breaking.

While there are struggles to raising a super smart kid, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. He is such a gift and the coolest little kid around.  He amazes me with this intellect daily and I  just know he is going to change the world one day. Hopefully when he is a billionaire from inventing something amazing, he will remember how hard I worked and advocated to ensure he has the opportunity to thrive.

Do you have a highly intelligent child? What challenges have you faced?   What advice do you have for parents of highly intelligent or gifted children?

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