How to Accept Negative Feedback at Work

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Ouch. Your boss just gave you a big ole piece of negative feedback. Your ego is bruised and you are shaken to the core.   We have all been there.  Receiving negative (or constructive) feedback is never easy, however, if you learn to accept negative feedback at work you can turn this into a positive and fruitful experience.

Being a perfectionist and people pleaser,  I dread receiving negative feedback. My first instinct is to take the feedback personally which can eat away at my self-esteem.  It has taken me a long time and a lot of practice to get to a point where I  actually welcome negative feedback. I’m not going to say it doesn’t still sting, but I have realized that receiving negative feedback can be a really valuable thing.

Receive the Negative Feedback

The first step to receiving negative feedback is to simply receive it.   It can be very easy to become defensive and shut down, which will cause you to lose the actual feedback that they are trying to give you. When someone is giving you feedback, just stop, listen, and thank them for the feedback.  

Watch your body language closely.  Nod your head, say thank you, and be truly sincere about it. They are giving you a gift and you should be thankful (even if they sound crazy).  Even if they are not very nice about it,  they are still giving you feedback that you can use to make yourself better. You could easily miss this feedback if you are defensive or dismissive. 

Be Grateful

Always remember that the person giving you feedback generally don’t like giving you feedback as much as you don’t like receiving it. When they need to give one fo their employees negative feedback they have tons of questions and worries racing through their minds.  They are wondering how will you receive the feedback? How the interaction will go? Will you hold a grudge? Are they giving you the right feedback? Will things change? All of these questions and more are likely running through their heads before they give you feedback.  

So even though they don’t enjoy giving you feedback, they still are.   The reason that they are giving you feedback is that they want you to improve. They are doing an uncomfortable thing to make sure that you have the opportunity to improve.  That is certainly something to be grateful for.  

Ask Clarifying Questions

When receiving negative feedback, make sure to ask clarifying questions to ensure that you are crystal clear on what they are trying to tell you. You should also ask for specific examples when applicable and take notes so you remember details. 

“Thank you very much for the feedback, do you happen to have an example of when this happened?” 

The more specific that you can encourage them to be, the more likely you will be able to improve.  

I would encourage you to be very careful when asking questions to not come off defensive or accusatory.   The person giving feedback will likely be looking for such defensiveness so that means you will need to be extra careful to not show that.  

Make an Action Plan

Given that someone gave you the gift of feedback, you should make a plan for how to take action. Don’t let that gift go unopened.

If possible, let the person providing feedback know that you plan on taking feedback and have completed an action plan. This will show them that you appreciate the feedback and are taking it seriously, which will make them more likely to give you feedback in the future. Don’t be afraid to ask the person giving you feedback to be involved in your action plan.  If they gave you the feedback in the first place, they may be interested in helping you develop against that action plan. Just be sensitive to their time and capacity.  

In addition, having an action plan will hold you accountable for actually taking action on the feedback.  If you have a plan and share that plan with others, it will be difficult to back out of it.  

Tip: When you are making a plan you can set goals using the S.M.A.R.T goals framework to make your plan more effective.

Pay it Forward

Having a culture of feedback and continuous improvement requires the entire team to participate. This type of culture won’t work if it is just the boss giving feedback or a select few.  Every team member needs to provide constructive feedback to create such a culture.

When you receive feedback, make an effort to pay it forward and look for opportunities to provide feedback to someone else.  The more that you give feedback, the more that others will give feedback, and eventually everyone is comfortable with giving and receiving feedback.  It’s magic!

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Receiving feedback can be really uncomfortable, however, having the humility to accept the feedback and take action to improve will work wonders for your career!

Let’s hear from you!  Describe a time when you received feedback that didn’t go well. Do you have any tips on how to accept negative feedback at work?

 

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